new frontiers (issue 7)

Escape To Bootham Crescent

Why couldn't I have wed a lass who likes football!
I mean, when I say "Come on T.C.", she says, "Who's he?"
"Who's he!" I repeat, "Why he's only poetry in motion!"
"Yes that might be so", she says, "But where's that cup of tea?"

"I suppose you're off to see City again then?", she'll moan
"Yes", sez I, "Don't fret, I'll have time to mow the lawn"
"Football mad you are!", she'll shout, "And what about your son?"
"He can come too", I quip, "If he can leave his Nintendo alone!"

"God, you're not normal!", she wails, "Are you seeing someone at the ground?"
"Oh yes", I agree, "11 of them, they all kick a football around,
-Deano, Stan, Pepps, those are their names, all heroes of mine,
It's purely platonic though, so don't hand me that line!".

"Well I'm off then love, and I've got my keys,
There could be extra time, so don't wait up please"
"Extra time! That's rich, 'bout time you had some round this house,
What with your Coca-Cola and lager cups, you're a lazy spouse!"

"O.K. come with me then, its good for your soul,
I'll give you a seat in the 'Pop' Stand, plus a hot sausage roll,
-Give Eastenders a miss for once, and come and see the action,
Then you'll see why a measured cross from Macca gives me such satisfaction!"

"Or better still, a place in The Shippo End, if you're brave,
There's a roof over it now, and some money we'll save"
"I'm going nowhere", she grunts, "Except to my sofa,
Now get thee to Bootham, you stupid old loafer!"

So I went, and watched, and I lived every move
I got lost in the action, yet I'd something to prove -
-How could she turn down a chance to see Barnes in full flight,
Or a challenge from Pepper, as someone's legs he did bite!

So I returned home with hope that her mind I could alter
Yes, if I gave her some facts, then her views might just falter!
"I'm home dear, here's a programme for you,
Look there's a photo of Deano, you can hang it in the loo"

But her face went all funny, as she put down her cup
"Are you kidding", she muttered, "Don't you ever give up!"
"I'd rather watch paint dry, so give it a rest,
And if you want to go next week, please don't be a pest!"

I just gave a big sigh, kept my thoughts to myself,
Put her prog on a pile that I kept on the shelf
"What a pity", I mused, "Can't she see what she's missed,
I've a wife who loathes football - think I'll go and get p****d!!

Alan Glasby

(P.S. I love her really!)


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