new frontiers (issue 6)

A New England

Many names have been put forward as being suitable to be the next manager of England. Others, not so obvious, should also be considered. Screaming Lord Sutch, for one, should receive careful consideration as for a start I'm sure that the pressure of the job wouldn't get to him. Paul Daniels, and his ability to perform miracles was also considered.

Another leading candidate may well be Prince Edward. Still searching for a really useful job, he would be readily available and could perhaps coach the squad in the finer arts of the game. I'm sure that "The Jurgen Klinsmann dive" and "Maradona handball" would be welcome additions to the techniques already possessed by the players. Paul Gascoigne could be excused such coaching sessions as "The Gazza Tears" ably demonstrated his grasp of the theatrical side of soccer.

Saddam Hussein was dropped from the original list as his air defence wasn't considered strong enough. Besides, Iraq didn't do too well in the World Cup qualifying tournament. Another foreigner, Kenny Dalglish, was also considered. He looks miserable now, imagine how he would look like after a couple of years in the job. Besides, no one could understand him at the interview. Maybe not a bad quality after all. Anyway, how would Dalglish manage without the Walker millions to shape the team?

A large groundswell of opinion supports the idea that Ian Branfoot would be a popular choice. Certainly over 20,000 people in Southampton would like to see him move on to other things.

Innovation is high on the list of qualities that the next manager must possess. That rules out 2 leading contenders straight away. Kevin Keegan with his curly perm is firmly and squarely stuck in the 1970s. As for Howard Wilkinson and his striped shirts with white collars, need I say any more?

2 FA representatives suggested names who were not right for the job. Mr Silver suggested Wilkinson wasn't the right man while Mr Bates was equally adamant that Glen Hoddle didn't have the right credentials. Nearer home, Alan Little is happy to stay at Bootham Crescent. His predecessor, John Ward is also apparently happy with his Bristol Rovers salary and isn't looking to move. Both, having tasted overseas football, on the Isle Of Wight, prefer the domestic game.

News that Radio 5 commentator Jimmy Armfield is to head the search for Mr Right got me thinking. Will we have a "6.06" special so that we can all have a say in the decision. Now that would be Fantasy Football League. There is one thing we can be certain of. Whoever is selected to be the next manager will be the right choice. Hand picked by the Football Association's International Committee, The best brains in the country, plenty of experience in such roles. After all, their chairman is a certain Peter Swales who has appointed over a dozen Manchester City managers in the last 20 odd years.

Footnote: You heard it first in New Frontiers, so few names, yet 3 did become England manager. Spooky or what?

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