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YORK CITY SOUTH


City History

City Shun Blue Squirt Globalisation

York City and Blue Squirt are today at odds (no pun intended) over Blue Squirt’s plans to globalise the conference.

The bookmaker is seeking to add an extra round of fixtures to next season’s roster. Each club will play one extra game at venues across the world.

It is believed Blue Squirt want to arrange a series of matches around the world to promote their brand. A gaming consultant Ivor Bigwad from Screwthelittlepunter.com said, "great idea, games in China and India. Blue Squirt betting kiosks at the grounds and crowds of up to 80,000 made up of the workforce from England’s new workshops. We buy their goods and then they gamble it back to us. Giving football back to the working classes. To top it off, the punters have the prospect of class acts such as Martyn Woolford and Tom Evans as a side show. Las Vegas Mark 2. Brilliant".

As well as China and India, other rumoured destinations in the fight to globalise and promote football to new markets include Cape Verde, Guadeloupe, Marshall Islands and Scarborough.

A league spokesman commented, "the players are professionals, we’re only asking them to play one more game and giving them an extra 2 weeks to play it in, they’re used to 2 games a week at home. And the travel is nothing, I go to Spain every year and it’s a doddle, just sit back, relax, enjoy the drinks. 2 days on the beach when you get there and 2 days when they get home and they’ll be over jetlag of a trip to Australia. A bit of sun on your back never hurt anyone".

A Satsuma TV spokesman backed plans, "as we’ve already screwed up the fixture list and pissed off the fans with our TV coverage with Thursday and Sunday night games, then a few more games in far flung places with breakfast time kick offs won’t make much difference".

Meanwhile, rumours sweeping the city suggested that Sty Spots TV dropped their coverage of the Conference last summer when the teams failed to back a similar trial.

Exclusively, this paper can now reveal for the first time, that the reason that City released Steve Bowey last summer was his refusal to sign a full time contract due to fears that the extra fixture would mean he was unable to fulfil his part time carpet fitting career commitments.

A club spokesman, Jason McGill said, "as soon I heard the news, I was on the phone to Colin (Walker) to tell him to get us out of this awful league as quickly as possible".

Moneybags Crawley also seemed keen on the idea, "it is an ideal opportunity to cut adrift some of our dross, we have too many poor players, there is a robust market for anything English in some parts of the world, our only worry is that some countries might not grant vias paperwork to some of our personnel".

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